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EXTERNAL FEMALE ANATOMY: WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT

admin — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 10:19:57 +0000

There are substantial differences in the size, color, shape, and texture of the genitals, and these features of the individual woman change, too, at different phases of the life cycle, from youth to old age. The basic anatomy is the same, but the appearance of these separate structures, and their relative distance from one another, is quite varied. The configuration of each woman’s genitals is as unique as her face. We all have eyes, a nose, and a mouth, and it is to the enrichment of our aesthetic senses that there exists such incredible variety in their relative size and shape. The same holds true for the genitals. Just as the size or shape of our facial organs is not correlated with their sensory functioning, so, too, the size or placement of the genital structures does not affect sexual functioning. Some women have thin outer lips; others, large and puffy. In some women, the inner labia show between the outer lips; in other women they do not. Clitorises vary in size, and the relative position of the urethral opening between the clitoris and the vagina varies, too. Some women’s genitals have a thick covering of pubic hair; others, a thinner covering. Also, the color of pubic hair can differ from the color of the hair on one’s head.

All too often, women measure how they look against a culturally standardized norm of how a woman should look and find themselves lacking. No matter that the model changes rather rapidly, for example, from Marilyn Monroe to Twiggy to Cheryl Tiegs, the vast majority of women do not resemble the current model. Rather than placing value on the diversity of the human form for its own sake, we tend to want to look like whoever is “in,” with support amply provided by the fashion and cosmetic industries. As a result, many women have a negative body self-image and invest a great deal of time and energy into concerns such as excess weight loss. The negative attitudes toward one’s genitals, which stem from a number of sources, both contribute to and are reinforced by a general negative self-image.

Perhaps the increasing emphasis on health issues (for example, physical fitness and nutrition), and the growing influence of the women’s movement with its message of self-acceptance, will help us to appreciate our bodies for their healthiness and their unique individuality. Knowledge about our sexual appearance and functioning can help to further establish our comfort about ourselves and our self-confidence.

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GAMES TO RESTORE TENDERNESS – TENDERNESS

admin — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:31:59 +0000

Tenderness, according to my definition, is a feeling of agreement and gratitude that results from constructive communication with another being. While sex is a vehicle that may bring people to a state where they have the well-being necessary to communicate in a constructive way, it is only that—a vehicle. It is not the end result. The feelings of agreement and gratitude come about when two people are able successfully to work through blocks and thus make themselves truly vulnerable to one another. Only to the extent that we can make ourselves completely vulnerable to another person and experience the security and comfort of doing so, can we experience the joy of true tenderness. This means being able to risk sharing all our feelings with somebody—beginning with the darkest negatives and ending with the brightest positives— and having that risk pay off.

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GAMES FOR POLITICALLY OR MORALLY CORRECT COUPLES – GAME 2: MORALLY CORRECT SEX (PART 3)

admin — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:25:52 +0000

“Oh, you’re sweating. Let me wipe your brow.” “Thanks.”

“Am I submissive enough, dear?” “You’re acting like a witch.” “Because the Lord said I’m cursed.” “I suppose so.” “Are you enjoying it, dear?” “Yes, I’m enjoying it!” “Anything else I can do?” “Shut up and fuck me!”

“Oh, dear. What language! After we’ve just had the Lord bless this sacred bed.”

“I said shut up and fuck me!”

If the husband becomes upset, the wife should drop the game and attempt to discuss what has happened and what kind of feelings the game has brought up. Or the husband might find himself becoming more aroused than usual and yelling, “Slut! Witch! Devil!” as he loses complete sexual control of himself. In this case, the discussion should be had as soon as possible after orgasm. The game will help both husband and wife to become aware of how religious excesses have impeded their sexual relationship.

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GAMES FOR ANGRY COUPLES – GAME 5: TELEPHONE SEX (PART 1)

admin — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:20:19 +0000

Players: Wife and obscene phone-caller. Activist: Husband. Setting: Telephone.

Aim: To direct anger into an erotic channel not as threatening as direct bodily contact.

Game Plan: This game is designed for angry wives who nevertheless retain a sense of humor.

One evening, when the husband knows the wife is home alone, he calls her up and surprises her by talking dirty. He may or may not want to disguise his voice at first.

“Hi there, doll. How’re you doing?”

“How’re you doing yourself. Who’s this?”

“This is your mystery caller.”

“My mystery caller?”

“That’s right. What are you wearing right now?”

“That’s none of your business. Is this you, Henry?”

“I told you, this is your mystery caller.”

“It’s you. I know it’s you. What are you up to?”

“I’ll bet you have a great body, doll. I think I’d like to see you naked. I think I’d like to run my hand inside your panties. Would you like that?”

“Go to hell.”

“I’m getting hard just talking to you.” “Now, cut that out!”

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GAMES FOR PERVERSE COUPLES – SEXUAL RELATIONS OF PERVERSE

admin — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:07:53 +0000

In order to avoid getting into the controversy about the shifting definition of perversity, I refer here only to sexuality in which symbolism predominates over authenticity and in which hate, fear, humiliation, envy, and guilt (rather than love and tenderness) permeate the sexual act. Hence I am writing about the sexual relations of perverse couples that are comprised of immature, symbolic reenactments of some parent-child trauma, and whose sex is replete with rituals of punishment, revenge, degradation, appeasement, submission, and defiance—not about here-and-now adult dyads between mature and independent people.

Perverse couples play sexual games all the time, but their games are not truly therapeutic. They become swingers, compulsively swapping partners with other couples; they cross-dress with one another and with other couples; they play dominance and submission games, using such various paraphernalia as black leather belts, whips, and chains; they have sex in public places, in trains, and in airplanes; they engage in indiscriminate orgies; and they will experiment with threesomes, and even with using dogs or farm animals as objects. These games are gratifying to many of their players in much the way that drinking a glass of whiskey may be gratifying— but they aren’t therapeutic: Like whiskey, they have side effects and are ultimately toxic to the body.

The following games are variations of some of the common themes of perverse couples, but with twists designed to bring about insight, resolve perverse fixations, and facilitate a more profound, authentic form of sexuality and relating.

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GAMES FOR OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE COUPLES – GAME 1: SCIENTIFIC SIMULTANEOUS ORGASM (PART 1)

admin — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 10:58:31 +0000

Players: Husband, wife, and authority figure. Activists: Husband and wife. Setting: Home or resort.

Aim: Exaggerate orderliness in the sexual realm so as to underline the lunacy of such orderliness.

Game Plan: In this game there is a third player—an authority figure (or if necessary a book or cassette) serving to instruct the couple on the virtues of having a simultaneous orgasm. A therapist, physician, or friend can play the authority, or the couple can use a book—perhaps even this book—to serve in that capacity. Basically, what the authority does is encourage husband and wife to attempt simultaneous orgasms, suggesting that they are the key to both a better sex life and an improved relationship. As a matter of fact, if they play this game and do attempt to have simultaneous orgasms, they will achieve those goals. So the therapist, doctor, or friend can actually meet with the couple and confidently say something like:

“I recommend that the two of you try to have a simultaneous orgasm. This may take a while—and, given the state of your present sex life, it may seem impossible. In fact, it may seem impossible for either of you to achieve orgasms, period. However, if you work at it in a scientific way, you can accomplish it. Each time you have sex, you should each pace yourself and keep your sexuality under control, so that neither of you races ahead of the other. You can do this by each attaching an arm monitor that constantly checks your pulse and blood pressure.

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THE SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH: EARLY LIFE

admin — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:12:41 +0000

In general, the sexual psychopaths, during their middle teens, got along with their fathers less well than did the other offenders. This relatively bad adjustment is particularly noticeable in the figures to be found in the category of “bad adjustment”: here the proportions of sexual psychopaths exceed those of the other offenders in every instance, sometimes by as much as 11 percentage points.

A similar situation existed regarding their adjustment with their mothers, except that the sexual psychopath exhibitionists go counter to the trend. Some of the differences are quite large, both absolutely and proportionately. For example, among the aggressors vs. adults only 30 per cent of the sexual psychopaths reported getting along well with their mothers, whereas the equivalent figure for the other aggressors vs. adults is 63 per cent.

All in all, it is evident that a relatively poor adjustment with both parents is characteristic of the sexual psychopaths.

Another measurement of early adjustment to other individuals is the number and ratio of boys and girls the subject had as companions at ages ten to eleven. In this respect, only one over-all generalization can be made: sexual psychopaths tend to have had fewer companions of either sex than the other offenders. However, within certain offense types great differences exist between the two samples. In both homosexual-offender groups the sexual psychopaths had markedly large proportions of persons who had had no female companions and smaller proportions of persons who had had many. This suggests that they were, even at that early age, much more homosexually oriented than the other homosexual offenders. Very few of the exhibitionists who were sexual psychopaths had many female companions at ages ten to eleven (7 per cent of the sexual psychopaths vs. 38 per cent for the other exhibitionists); moreover, very few had many companions of either sex.

In summation, it appears that fewer sexual psychopaths than other offenders were able to make good adjustments with their parents and their peers.

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LOCATION OF THE SEX-OFFENSE: THEATERS.

admin — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:04:15 +0000

Theaters and movies are often considered particularly vulnerable places for the occurrence of sex offenses. The easy anonymity of a darkened auditorium, coupled with stories about the sudden groping hand from the adjoining seat, has led some parents of young children to associate movies with the dangers of a sexual approach. This possibility appears more likely during the matinee and early evening hours, when, with seats half empty, sexual overtures are not too conspicuous, and it is easy to shift from one location to a more favorable one—an activity sometimes described as “playing checkers” by those who try it. The present data substantiate this suspicion to a fair extent. Thirteen per cent of the heterosexual offenses against girls under twelve years of age took place in motion-picture houses, and 10 per cent of the offenses against the next higher age group. Movies were a negligible factor as a location, however, with the females sixteen or over, as only two of the 169 such cases fall in this category. All the offenses committed in theaters involved physical contact, and most of them were in fact attempts to grope for or fondle the female in the next seat. To help control this problem, metropolitan theaters sometimes employ matrons to cast a supervisory eye over the younger patrons, and ushers are often alerted to report suspicious actions to the manager.

A somewhat smaller percentage of homosexual offenses occurred in motion-picture theaters. The three age-of-object groups, in the usual order, show a 3 per cent, 7 per cent, and 4 per cent incidence. It might be recalled that in these cases there may not have been physical contact between the two males, since merely an approach or solicitation constituted the offense in about 13 per cent of the total homosexual offenses. Five cases of exhibition also took place in movies, representing an incidence of 2 per cent. No force or incest cases occurred there. All told, a total of 74 offenses, spread through seven subtypes of offense, were reported as having occurred in motion-picture theaters.

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HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVITY: NUMBER OF PARTNERS

admin — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:55:58 +0000

Concerning ourselves with only the statistics based upon individuals with homosexual activity, we see that there are huge differences in number of homosexual partners not only between the homosexual offenders as opposed to other groups, but also between the three homosexual-offender groups. Excluding the latter, the average (median) individual of most of the sex-offender groups and of the control group had had sexual contact with about four males outside prison, whereas the average prison inmate with homosexual experience had nearly twice that many outside the prison walls. These figures are dwarfed by those of the homosexual offenders, the average homosexual offender vs. children having had 19 partners and the offender vs. minors 45. It was impossible to arrive at a figure for the homosexual offenders vs. adults, since their promiscuity was such that they were frequently unable to give precise estimates, but we know that the median would be closer to 200 than 100 partners.

Another useful measurement is the percentage of individuals with homosexual experience who had had such experience with over 75 males. The homosexual offenders cluster at the top of the rank-order with 63, 42, and 22 per cent. Following a gap of over 11 percentage points the prison group is next with 10 per cent, after which there is a gradual seriation down to about 2 per cent. Clustered at the bottom with 0 per cent are six groups, including all the incest offenders, the peepers, and the exhibitionists.

Aside from the clustering of the homosexual offenders at one end of the rank-orders and the incest offenders at the other, and the tendency of the control group to fall in the middle, no other patterns are evident.

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DREAMS: PROPORTION OF TOTAL OUTLET

admin — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:48:06 +0000

This measurement parallels our frequency data. Nocturnal orgasms were far more important to the single control-group males than to the members of any other group. From puberty to age forty such orgasms accounted for 11 to 14 per cent of all their orgasms. At the other extreme, this particular outlet seems to have been unimportant to the aggressors, among whom it usually constituted 1 to 4 per cent of their outlet. Five of the sex-offender groups maintained essentially uniform percentages (1-6 per cent), but nine groups and the prison group displayed a tendency toward larger proportions as they aged. This increase ended in the late twenties or early thirties for all groups except the homosexual offenders vs. minors who attained their maxima in their forties.

Among married males die picture is less clear and the range of variation much more restricted (0.2 to 7.4 per cent). The married control-group males display only moderate percentages, and the married aggressors vs. adults, as before marriage, derived only a minimal proportion of their outlet from orgasm during sleep.

When men are separated from their wives, divorced, or widowed, their nocturnal orgasms do not resume the importance they had in premarital life, and in many instances the proportions of total outlet these orgasms constitute are not dissimilar to those found among die married. This situation is not due to age—a factor held constant in this comparison—nor due to a habituation to coitus and an accompanying increased facility for obtaining it, since, as we have seen, masturbation in many postmarital groups rebounds to or even exceeds premarital levels. One is left with the impression that nocturnal emissions constitute a “weak” outlet—quantitatively not important and especially subject to diminution by age—and that marriage deals it a blow from which it never recovers. One cannot say the emissions are “drowned out” by increased sexual activity of other types in postmarital life, for in most groups the premarital frequency of total outlet exceeds that of the postmarital of the same age. Perhaps if total outlet is reduced, the weakest of the constituent outlets will suffer most.

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