Tenderness, according to my definition, is a feeling of agreement and gratitude that results from constructive communication with another being. While sex is a vehicle that may bring people to a state where they have the well-being necessary to communicate in a constructive way, it is only that—a vehicle. It is not the end result. The feelings of agreement and gratitude come about when two people are able successfully to work through blocks and thus make themselves truly vulnerable to one another. Only to the extent that we can make ourselves completely vulnerable to another person and experience the security and comfort of doing so, can we experience the joy of true tenderness. This means being able to risk sharing all our feelings with somebody—beginning with the darkest negatives and ending with the brightest positives— and having that risk pay off.
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