Sacher-Masoch, after whom the term “masochist” was coined, was a squire who lived about the same time as De Sade. He was married a number of times, each time to a woman chosen for her domineering spirit. He even signed contracts with them, under which he undertook to be their obedient slave, ready to satisfy their every whim, and authorizing them to punish him as severely as they liked should he fail in his duties. And his wives were only too happy to do so.
True masochism, then, implies total submission; for the masochist, physical and moral suffering is the essential prerequisite for sexual satisfaction.
It is too simplistic to say that masochism is the reverse of sadism. The only thing they have in common is that they involve pain.
The masochist is a willing and even eager victim. He needs a willing partner to ill-treat him. The sadist, on the other hand, seeks an non-consenting partner – a large part of his pleasure lies in the very fact that his victim is not a voluntary accomplice.
The second difference is that the sadist is not concerned with giving pleasure as well as pain, whereas the masochist likes to make love with the person who has inflicted the punishment. It is his way of showing thanks.
The third difference is that the masochist does not necessarily need a partner. He can inflict all kinds of punishments on himself. (Members of some religious orders do precisely this).
Finally, at the legal level, the masochist does nothing illegal, whereas the sadist can be accused of illegal restraint, indecent assault or grievous bodily harm.
The term “sado-masochism” can give rise to ambiguity or to mistaken interpretations. It makes one think of violence inflicted by the sadist on a (willing) masochistic partner, or else the co-existence of both tendencies in the same person.
In fact the term is often used to refer to the sexual games freely entered into by many couples, in which they can reverse the roles as the fancy takes them.
It may be useful at this stage to talk about the notion of pain, the common factor between masochism and sadism. While one can admit it may be possible – even if reprehensible – to get pleasure from inflicting pain, it is harder to see how someone can enjoy suffering.
Pain is nothing but a signal sent along a nerve to the brain. Pleasure is a signal of exactly the same kind. And the borderline between the two is not always clear-cut. If you are pinched you feel pain. But if you are pinched by someone you love and who loves you, you may feel pleasure.
A caress gives a pleasant sensation coming from a lover, but it may be extremely disagreeable coming from a stranger in a crowded train.
If someone scratches you with a pin, you may cry out in pain; but when you are a gardener, you may often notice you have been scratched by brambles without noticing anything at the time.
One has to admit, therefore:
that our brains can magnify, minimize or condition sensory perceptions,
that a repetition of the same pain, instead of exacerbating it, sets up a tolerance effect which makes it more easily bearable (within certain limits, of course).
These two facts are essential to sado-masochistic sex games. Those who play such games observe:
that a sexy spanking is agreeable for the spanker and the spanked, provided both are willing;
that the first spanks are not very enjoyable, but that the sensation of pleasure then increases – up to a certain limit, which must be respected. At this level, a woman may be so worked up that a slight stimulation of the clitoris may unleash a violent orgasm.
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